The Creator: "Frank
you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down
there in the Midwest? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff
I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those
plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies, honey
bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors
by now. But all I see are these green rectangles."
St. Francis: "It's the tribes
that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers
'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them and replace them with grass."
The Creator: "Grass? But it's
so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and
bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do
these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?"
St. Francis: "Apparently so,
Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each
spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up
in the lawn."
The Creator: "The spring rains
and cool weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the
St. Francis: "Apparently not,
Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-- sometimes twice a week."
The Creator: "They cut it? Do
they then bale it like hay?"
St. Francis: "Not exactly, Lord.
Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."
The Creator: "They bag it? Why?
Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?"
St. Francis: "No, sir. Just the
opposite. They pay to throw it away."
The Creator: "Now let me get
this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?"
St. Francis: "Yes, sir."
The Creator: "These Suburbanites
must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up
the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work."
St. Francis: "You aren't going
believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out
hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and
pay to get rid of it."
The Creator: "What nonsense!
At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius,
if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty
and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and
form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil.
It's a natural circle of life."
St. Francis: "You better sit
down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves
fall, they rake them into great piles and have them hauled away."
The Creator: "No! What do they
do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and keep the soil
moist and loose?"
St. Francis: "After throwing
away your leaves, they go out and buy something they call mulch. They haul
it home and spread it around in place of the leaves."
The Creator: "And where do they
get this mulch?"
St. Francis: "They cut down trees
and grind them up."
The Creator: "Enough! I don't
want to think about this anymore. Saint
Catherine, you're in charge of the
arts. What movie have you scheduled for tonight?"
Saint Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber,
Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."
The Creator: "Never mind I think
I just heard the whole story."